Thursday, August 14, 2008
went for ma FTT AGAIN earlier on...i FAILED....AGAIN....i felt so fed up with myself...feel so useless...frustration was wat i felt from just now till this second.i cried after the test...i cried not because i failed...bt because i felt so damn hopeless and useless...im giving up already...i cant take it anymore arh..FRUSTRATED!!!!AAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!after the test went to jurong to watch money no enough 2...before going for the movie...waited for BF when he went to the toilet...i read his inbox msges...i came upon a msg received last nyte from his sister wen he was still at ma hse...last nyte wen he received the msg i didnt suspect anything...bt now i noe the reason y he leave a few moments after he received that msg...when we wanted to go off after the movie...i randomly asked him..."semlm balek kena marah?"...and den onli he told me d truth...i try to keep ma cool...i controlled my tears from rolling down....he said.."bkn salah u, sayang.."...i know...bt i felt guilty...wen we reached ma place u sense that there's something wrong wif me..."sayang, i knl u dh lame..i tau u keeping something from me...ape die?"...i kept a strong front and said.."mane ade ape2...tkde ape2 lar..."...quickly i said gdbye and walked off...and i cried...i've been thinking from just now about this...this wasnt the first tym it happened..it happened ample of times...i guess i really need to let loose...its not because i dun love the relationship...i love it too much dats y im doing this...i dun want u or her to get hurt...let me be d one who swallow the pill of hurt...she's more important than i am...im just an outsider who stole u from her...she's ur flesh and blood...i cant fight wif her...i dun wish her to hate me till the end of life...i respect her as an elder...no use making her frustrated because i will feel the pinch...im not the only one who realise her jealousy...bt ur siblings saw it too...how i wish im the guy and u r the gal... ='(right now i have to try to avoid u as much as i can...i will try to be strong for this relationship that we have built for d past 3 yrs...it hurts deep inside when i realise that jealousy is in the relationship...it hurts alot..really...but what can i do? i am in no position to speak..but i will just have to swallow every pain i get from this relationship...i will leave u wif her...i will try my best... =')arh! ma eyes are swollen...i need to get rid of these swollen eyes..im meeting ma BABES n HUNK 2molow!!! woohoo!!! cant wait! cant wait! =WaNie=Labels: will there every be an ending to this jealousy..
